Relationships Are Hard

I started this blog because some of you are interested in following what is going on in my marriage with Scott.  As many of you know, we have been struggling in our relationship, but especially in the past year.  I feel it all started when Scott fell in love with another woman, Julie.  However, he told me he was really only happy for the first two years of our relationship.  If that's true, I was completely in the dark. 

The main issues Scott has with me are:

He says I don't respect him because I do what I want instead of what he says.
The kids don't listen to him (mainly refering to his step kids, Karenna and Jolie).
He feels emasculated because of my strong personality.
He has changed in that he is no longer submissive to me and now stands up for himself.
I am always spending all the money and that's why we never have any.
I don't have enough class.
His friends think I'm a "slut" or "whore".
He wants to be able to see Julie again or at least be friends with her.
I made him lose Julie and certain friends.
He thinks it's "inappropriate" for me to hang out with male friends without him, but has no interest in being friends with several people that I refuse to cut out of my life.
He doesn't like that I'm open about sex, open about non-monagamy, open about his sexuality, open about our problems...
He thinks I'm too flirtatious, inappropriate, or affectionate with other guys.

My issues with him are:
He doesn't include me.
He doesn't show me any appreciation for all that I do for him.
He doesn't show me he cares when I'm upset anymore.
He doesn't stand up for me to his friends and parents.
He doesn't open up to people and doesn't like it that I do.
He doesn't have strong values and beliefs and doesn't like that I do.
He isn't interested in listening to me talk about anything that isn't an interest of his.
He tries to put me down or speak to me as a subordinate in front of his friends.
He insults my character.
He insults the kids' character, especially Jolie.
He doesn't approve of homeschooling, but only because he doesn't want the kids home all day.
He doesn't respect my autonomy to make my own decisions.
He doesn't acknowledge that I take his feelings and opinions into consideration before acting.
He puts his needs before the kids', but especially his step-kids' and expects me to do the same.
He isn't confident or motivated the way he once was.
He doesn't seem to respect himself and therefore doesn't believe I respect him.
He isn't happy without material posessions and lots of money.
He wants to be non-monogamous, but doesn't want me to talk about it.
He wants complete control over any outside sexual ventures and cannot stand for me to show an interest in any other guy.
He wants control over my friendships, but especially with other guys.

Despite all of these things, I want to work things out.  I saw so many wonderful things in him when we met and I know they are still there.  I am hoping things will get better.  I have tried counseling with him, but that didn't help.  I have tried reading books.  I have tried talking and talking, but it usually results in him shutting down.  At this point, I am simply refusing to engage in an argument.  I am trying really, really hard not to let it get to me when he attacks my character.  I can get depressed off of something he says to me for days, and I want to stop letting that happen.