Today is my mom's side family Christmas party. I wasn't sure if Scott was going to come, but he did. He got dressed and got in the car, leaving me to get the kids ready and carry out two loads of stuff to the car. Before we left, he was stressing about our finances again. He said we need an extra $2000 per month, as of it will magically appear. I asked what his plan is. That seemed to annoy him and he walked outside to smoke. I pushed him to answer and he said he'll build a website and try to get a job.
In the car, I told him I have my nursing license application sitting there ready to mail except for the $65 money order. He told me to go ahead and mail it. I tried to explain all of the hardships it would cause to the kids, me, and to him if I get a job. He still didn't discourage me from doing it. I tried to point out that he doesn't seem to want me to wait to see what he can come up with. That still didn't get him to tell me to wait on getting a nursing job. Then I got angry. He wants to cut out Karenna's gymnastics if I don't get a job, but doesn't want to be the one taking her to meets if I do work. I told him it would he difficult to work and do all the homeschooling. He would rather I put the kids in school. I told him that's not an option. My tone was getting increasingly irritated.
As a result of my tone, he asked if I even like being around him. I said, "not really, right now." He said he should have stayed home. I ended up in a rant about how it sucks when you love someone and they don't love you back. You wait and wait for them to say the right things, to apologize, to say they didn't mean all the hurtful things they said to you. Yet, it never comes. I told him I am losing hope for our relationship. His response was that having no respect for his decisions is pushing him away.
He was referring to Wednesday night when I went out with my friend, Dusty. We made plans over FB messages on Monday. Dusty wanted to get food and go to a movie. Scott told me there is no way I am going out with another guy. I asked him why not. He's a friend of over 10 years, but Scott has never liked him simply because that he is a big guy with tattoos and piercings. He told me its just the principle that I'm his wife and it's not appropriate for me to be going out with other guys. I don't see a problem when he's just a friend. Eventually, I agreed to hanging out with him for an hour and a half, but mainly it was just to get him off my back. I probably said, "fine, whatever" or something.
Wednesday night, Dusty wanted me to meet him at Newport on the Levee. I put both kids to bed so Scott wouldn't have to do any work. He then asked me of I'd be back in an hour and a half. I told him, "I'll be back when I get back." Dusty was already paying for my meal because I'm completely broke and I wasn't going to drive all the way there, be restricted to a half hour, and come home. Scott told me then he was going to start doing whatever he wants then, including hanging out with Julie. I told him to do what he has to do and left. I got home after 3 hours. He was mad at me. The next day was lunch with his mom and his comments to me about having no respect for him and not having class.
While I was out with Dusty, he read through all of our FB messages for the past several months. He brought up some sexual comments made between us. I am always that way and he knows that. I even joke sexually with female friends. That doesn't mean I'm going to cheat on him. Although sometimes I feel like he deserves it.
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