Tonight, Scott tried to convince me not to leave him. He says he cares about me and sees how much I do for this family. He says that maybe he feels inferior to me because I do so much. He says he's unhappy because he feels like a failure, in his career, in his marriage, and as a father. He says he's been trying to change me and he realizes he can't. He says he feels like an asshole seeing me this way because he knows it's because of him. He hugged me and told me he hasn't given up on us; he is still wearing his ring. I took mine off a couple days ago.
I told him I feel like a yo-yo. He pushes me away, tells me he doesn't care and then pulls me back in. I'm afraid to let him back in. I want to be with someone who really loves me, appreciates me, wants to spend time with me, and is willing to give love to me every day. That is way more important to me than someone who can give to me financially. I told him that if he doesn't think he can give that to me, we should get divorced. If he doesn't think he'll ever love me as much as he once did, I don't want to throw away my life by staying with him.
It bothers me that it has taken this many days and this many tears for him to actually tell me these things. I had pretty much given up all hope. I guess it's a start. Still, I don't trust that there will be a continued effort. I don't trust him that he really will try to make it work. I feel like he completely broke me down so he could just build me back up, but then he will let me fall again. I can only wait and see. At least it did bring me up some from the dark place I was in.
No comments:
Post a Comment