My ideal relationship

In my ideal relationship, Scott and I have a close friendship and equal partnership.  We would enjoy life together, be active with friends and social life together and separately, and go on several trips a year with the kids and without.  Also, we would be able to have sex with other people both together and separately. 

The key to being able to have sex with other people without destroying our relationship is that we would have to work hard to maintain our relationship as the primary one.  I don't want there to be a boyfriend or girlfriend situation ever again, in light of my past experience.  It's okay to have passionate feelings toward someone else, but it's not okay to make the other person a priority over each other.  We are raising a family together and that should take prescendence over all.

The problem I have in being married to Scott is that I don't trust him not to take what he wants when he wants it with little regard for my feelings.  He waivers back and forth between respecting me as an individual and thinking of me as his property.  He doesn't seem to want to work with me, but is intent on working against me.  It seems to me that he does everything he can to rack up points against me so that he can justify anything he wants to do and has done. 

I have made changes after Retrouvaille that were intended to help him feel more secure.  I stopped my relationships for the most part with male friends, other than his friends.  I have been more of a house wife.  I have had sex with him more often.  I have attempted to do the dialogue questions with him almost every night.  I arranged babysitting so we could go to CORE.  I made plans for us to take a trip to Mammoth Cave together. 

He told me that he didn't really trust me to stick with the changes I told him I'd make, especially with regards to male friends.  I have been telling him all along that I don't think I will stick to those changes if I don't see him making more of an effort to make any changes.  Well, I'm at the breaking point.  I don't think this is right.  Not only am I not in an open relationship, which is what I really want, but I also do not have freedom to have the friends I want.  I am not going to be able to stick with it.  It's wrong and not the way I want to live my life.

I am really feeling my individuality threatened right now.  If I go anywhere, talk to any other guy, or buy anything without his permission, I run the risk of him getting pissed off at me.  I don't want to have to ask his permission.  I am willing to let him know what's going on, but only when he isn't going to get mad at me for every little thing.